Keep on pushing!

Today was better than yesterday. I rested on my couch thinking of everything I desire. I guess it really doesn't clarify as resting seeing that my mind was still going....but nevertheless I was lying there thinking.
I always wonder at who can relate to this deep frustrating, yet rewarding feeling of knowing your purpose but not fully living it out. Desiring with all you have to live your purpose but no connections to make it happen. Every where you turn there's a dead end.
It's frustrating. It makes you angry. It may cause you to compare yourself to others whose dreams may manifest before yours. People whose dreams seem similar and you think you'll never make this happen.
It's scary carrying around a powerful seed you believe will impact your world. It's also a joy at times to know you'll do great things.
Isn't it frustrating though..like man! Won't this baby come already.

We learn through the birthing process of humans that labor can be short or long but all together the pain is the same. It's labor pains!

Women can relate to the tiresome event of pushing a baby through the birth canal out into the world. It's a process that takes all of the might, courage, love and passion you have about the baby to get the baby out of the throws of labor and into your arms.

However frustrating carrying a dream with limited resources can be, you must keep pushing.

Don't lose hope just as mothers won't stop pushing. The babies life depends on it. If she stops pushing, complications can upset the process and the life that lives inside of you could cease to exist.

Hope must remain. Faith must stay strong until we see, with our own eyes the beautiful life we've been carrying.

Never give up!

I've been dreaming...

I've been dreaming of standing in the places I desire to stand. Places I've thought of, made plans about, and attempted several times in different fashions.....
I'm not there yet but I feel awful close...so close it makes my headache. I'm right there but can't touch it. Its like my eyes strain and I'm wincing at the pain of watching my visions but unable to obtain......them.

Oh the struggle of pushing the cart you have placed your dreams in, walking around the grocery store of ideas wondering how you are going to pay for this cart full of inspiration.....you see your neighbors paying the price for what they desire. Coming up with creative ways to purchase their dreams. They succeed. You watch them from afar making it happen, wondering how they made it work.
You ask them but no one has the details, they just believed....or so they say. They left out the practicality. The step by step, THE CHALLENGE!
Its a hard road coming from nothing to something. People who have it didn't just believe.....they had the resources. Faith comes when you have a vision, you see it but you have nothing. Nothing to make this work.

The challenge....make lemonade but you only have the water.
Your job is to hold onto this water, don't waste it, don't give it away, don't pour it out, don't walk away from it......hold on to it.
While you are carrying this water....people will attempt to smack it out of your hand, winds of a storm will rattle the cup, your hands well get tired of carrying a cup that you can't do anything with until you find the lemons and sugar you search for.

Message of hope: People like Martin Luther King had a dream, Sojourner Truth had a vision of freed slaves, Ghandi, Malcom X, Nelson Mandela, they carried cups of water for years before their dreams were reality; before they had the sugar and lemons to make something that's been so bitter become sweet. Even Moses of the Bible wandered for many years until he was able to see the promise. Yet all of these named were greats, they walked in their purpose and their names live on today. Keep pushing, keep the faith, all you dream of will come to pass. Just believe. And just do the work. Go out and find your sugar and lemons.

I can see the weariness in my eyes.....

Over the last few months I've worked hard, sometimes maybe not hard enough, to get things in order and bring things into a place of peace. I've been through emotions that I'd never pass onto anyone else. Truth is somebody else in this world is experiencing the same as me...... and you who are reading this.
Yet, these emotions, dark as they can be, don't have to have the final say. They are indicators of the level of uncomfortable-ness that I'm feeling and experiencing. They are screams for this current situation to be over!
Yet it is not time.

(When did YET become so popular?)
Anyway, :/

It's not time, more things are to be done. Responsibilities are to be taken care of......and you sit in your weariness thinking I can't lift another hand to this. "I am not feeling it" is my favorite phrase to use.
I'm not motivated, I'm not believing, I'm not strong enough, I just don't think I have it in me to struggle.
But there's this funny thing called hope.
Have you heard of it? It stands under faith. It's the thing you have before you believe in something. That spark that causes you to wait eagerly for something, it's anticipation, it's the conception of a dream.
Hope is a light that lives inside you and if you attempt to turn it off, it'll only show up somewhere else within you . We'll always hope.
Hope keeps you giving everything even when you feel you are about to run out. It drives you to keep pushing, to live inspite of the troubles that surround you.
Hopelessness is when you feel like you have experienced a great loss, all hope is gone, and it was no use applying faith because it's been wasted on something you gave all your effort to..... it's not turning out the way you imagined in the time you imagined. So then there's no hope.
Yet (ah ha!) There is hope.

Even in the midst of things being as rough and weary as they are I still see my goals and vision. I can still see beyond my pain. I know there's more for me. Even though I'm at the end of my rope, my faith is being challenged. I still have hope!
See you have to hold on to see what the end is going to be.
We've come to far, through to many things, overcome so many obstacles to quit on the last leg of this journey.
I can't say when it's over but remember that first thing you hoped for.......What sparked you to push this far and keep on pushing!!!
You will see that which you have placed your hope and faith in.

Through the valley....

How about those sucky days!
Those days where for every push you get a pull. For every win there's a loss.... Those days where you just can't win from losing!
What about those miserable days where the sun shines but all you can see is gray clouds filled with rain.
Lightning strikes, thunder rolls and you find yourself buried under the comforter.

How do we get past those days when we feel burdened with pain and doubt? When your next steps seem uncertain.... What do you do when you've cried all you can cry and your only desire is to fight but you meet resistance at every turn?

Message of hope: Remember that God-a force stronger than you knows the path you take. God sees the way you've been and where you are headed. Trust that force. Take a deep breath, connect with him and let love flow through your veins. Through your spirit.....let it spread to those places that hurt the most and take hold while love floods through you. This is a daily practice that will ground you. It will secure you at anytime you feel uncertain. He'll shield and protect you through the resistance because any good plan will come into being. Your fight, your push, your life, your purpose, your oomph isn't in vain. You are getting stronger as you stand.

You are becoming!

Inspite of....

Have you ever broken some ones heart? Talked terrible bad about someone? Have you ever betrayed a friend or loved one? Ever broken any of the ten commandments, lived through it and told the story?

I'm sure you missed the last part..... Ignored it like it wasn't there.
Did you tell the story or at least fess up to it?

Committing a wrong against someone can make you see yourself for the wretched sinner you are. Of course our egos shun the very thought of us doing something so wrong it breaks a heart or breaks trust.
Yet, we are all capable of these things.
Our job isn't to shun it but be healed.

Strip the ego of thinking it's so much better than the frail human body it lives in.

It's definitely an illusion that you'll never hurt anyone. Even if you don't intend to you will.

What am I dancing around here???

I've been the offender and the offended. I have been torn apart, put back together again only to have hurt someone else.

My ego didn't want to admit it was me that committed the crime yet no one houses this temple but ME.
I did commit the crime and I had to own up to it and seek forgiveness.
(not anything illegal yall...now keep up!)

It's hard to see yourself as the very thing you've been taught to hate, the very sin you've been taught to avoid.... you some how become it. Yet even in that dark corner that you have allowed yourself to go there is a light. Reserved there for you and that light is love.

We often discredit people, take away their honor and clothe them with shame, when they do something wrong but we never cover them with honor again after they have chosen the greater path. We distance ourselves, push them away, label them as bad, and we walk away as good. Not gaining insight that those same sins can be committed by us to.

If you ever find yourself in that awful place where you have did something wrong. Accept you did wrong. Take accountability for it. Then absolutely love yourself through it and restore your honor.

Learn from it and take measures to never let it happen again.

Yes you, wretched as you are deserve love to. Lets get it right butterflies. I am!

-Realizing your sin doesn't eliminate you from the game. The realization of it opens doors of opportunity to gain wisdom and teach someone else.
-Sharhonda Kirksey

Reflections

Today all I could think of is kicking off new ventures. Making dreams come true and going for it no matter what. Then I get this worry in my gut, "what if I can't do it?".....
Its the craziest and most uncomfortable place to be, in between carrying a vision and birthing it. Its like you have carried this child for the entire 9 months and you just want it to be born but you have to endure the strenuous pains of labor. As if carrying the baby wasn't enough.
Of course carrying it wasn't that terrible, feeling it kick and move around gave you all the joy in the world and it made you eager to see this unborn idea. Soon to be more than a thought or fantasy but a living breathing thing.
Its amazing how God works. He allows you to take pen to paper, in my case finger to smartphone and write until the picture is made clearer than before.
I see that I'm in labor. The pain has been great but my baby is coming forth. I'm so ready to see her!

Message of hope: The source of our ideas is God. If such a powerful force can impregnate us with unimaginable ideas then certainly he, the source, can give us what's needed to have a successful delivery. The pain you feel, however great is only an indication that the baby is coming through. Nothing you've endured, did, or didn't do is stopping this baby from coming soooo keep pushing!!!!!

2014 I am the change I want to see.

Ready for change.....

Hey all God's children! 
First off thanks for visiting Becoming a Butterfly! I'm excited about this journey hence all of the exclamation marks! :) I journal on days when I experience hardships and I talk to God often so why not share the life lessons and nuggets of wisdom with you all. I've been known to be inspirational or positive and in this time in my life I am taking a risk, putting it all out there and seeking to inspire as many as I can! I'm making a change.....

My life journey isn't one of butterflies, ladybug's (except for the occasional one that lands on your clothes), or fairies. It's one of hardship, mistakes, wrong decisions, and some failures but nevertheless I feel God has charged me with something and I have to give that to the world no matter the crappy places I find myself in. 

I always encourage others, I love doing it. It gives me life knowing I've planted a seed of goodness and motivation into someone else. I believe it's part of my life purpose so I keep on keeping on. *Picture me smiling* I do it a lot! :) 

I don't want to bore you though so I'll make sure to put in funny moments, crazy ones, and life changing ones. I'll be sure to inspire you as often as I can. 

On days I'm going through.... I'll share with you how I'm getting over. 

Here's my Facebook post for today.... 

Life's ups and downs challenge us. Depression creeps in at our soul and secures its trap....waiting for you to take the plunge that will steal precious moments of your life away. Fight it!!!!! Good day bookers.
-Sharhonda Kirksey

Welcome again and thanks for visiting Becoming a Butterfly! 
<3