Mysterious things....No diagnosis.

Over the last few weeks life has been different. I'm pleased to share my experience. It's creating a different me.
I've listened and followed the whispers of the Spirit. I'm sure that I'm to gain a higher awareness of God, and how strong I can be through adversity.

This is a dark place. A place in which everyday I have to think through my actions. I have to think about what it will cost me to react to certain things.

I have to walk still and calm. I have to approach life slowly. I have to purposely choose the moments I engage in.

It's serious for me.

I wish things were different. I wish I wasn't here in this place of pain and suffering.
I read a book once and couldn't commit to finishing it due to the amount of suffering the character endured.
I eventually finished ...I could feel and I had to feel a portion of what the character felt. I had to reason with myself that suffering is part of life. It is a part of life that I will endure. It brings forth treasures unknown.
People who learn to suffer with grace and courage gather pearls of wisdom others in the world don't have.

I can link many reasons to why I'm enduring an illness yet to be officially diagnosed. But I lean toward one particular reason the most .......there's something I will only receive through enduring this journey. Something that will make me a better woman. Something that will link me more to the suffering of man. Something that will cause more compassion to rise in my heart. Something that will cause me to care more and do more for the people in this world. Something that will cause me to speak my truth no matter what.

I watched an episode of Oprah where many told their stories of coping with illness. They spoke of the phase where they couldn't believe what was happening to them and the pain of having your life altered. Finally after some time they found themselves in a pool of acceptance and courage. Then after its all said and done you see the silver lining.

I'm hurting but I'm also praying. I've been in between silver lining, acceptance, anger, and grief. Then press repeat.
I'm uncertain but I'm also believing God. Believing that everything will go as purposed.
I'll fulfill my call.

Having a illness with no definite name is scary. But having to live through it without the light in the midst of it... would be worse.

I'm thankful for the light.