Do you have it in you?

Today I felt extremely weak. My body was in pain and I didn't want to do much of anything.

I had an appointment today. As I slowly got into my  car, crank it up, the radio starts to play.

I'm settled in and realized one of my favorites is playing. Conqueror by Estelle.

In my illness I start to question, am I really a conqueror?
Do I deserve that title? Am I conquering this illness or is it conquering me?
I turned the radio down, unable to come to terms with the fact that I did not get up, run with the wind, and tackle my issues today.

 I, instead, rested.

I chose to relax my mind and body. And for some reason I felt guilty for doing that. Even though physically I was exhausted and in pain. I had a valid reason to take a seat back today.

I questioned how strong I was. How could I dare sing Estelle's song?

It didn't take long however to pull myself back. Conqueror had gone off the radio by then so I decided to play my Nas CD. I played one of my favorite tracks that says something like, "only the strong will continue, do you have it in you? I know you have it in you, we have a journey to go oh oh..."
The song talks about how the battle gets sour and filled with dread....
Will you continue to fight?

So I turned that song up and I answered Jr. Gong when he asked "will you continue?" I shook my head with a knowing, YES! I'll continue.

A fellow sufferer was upset today because she's endured so much pain. She was tired of being sick. And she felt like she may not be able to fight anymore. I was reminded of my earlier struggle.

I told her that we forget that we are in a war, we may lose small battles, but ultimately we will win the war. Today I wanted to win, and I think I did in a way. Yet, we can't give up the fight. We have a journey to go.

Be inspired my loves to push forward. Go after what matters.

Last but not least, Saturday my family and I went to exercise. My daughter wasn't feeling it. It was too hot. She didn't want to engage.

I didn't feel well. My legs were weak. But I saw my daughter giving up. Isolating herself. Not wanting to participate. I knew in that moment I was her example. So I got beside my daughter and pushed her. I modified the exercise so that we both could do it. I told my daughter no matter what, if you can help it, you never give up.

And I completed the exercise even when my daughter wanted to sit out. I needed to let her see what winning the war looks like. Even when it doesn't feel good.

It's something I'm faced with now. Lesson number 1. No giving up.

Hold me to that!

Good day butterflies.