Discouragement is creeping in.....

My truth right now is that fear of the unknown sits in my belly. Fear that I'll fail yet once again. Fear that the journey I've embarked upon will be put off another five years due to lack of finances or resources. I'm afraid that my journey could possibly become a thing of the past, it'll never happen and all of this dreaming I'm doing is but a fantasy in a life that only exist outside of this one. Maybe it's my past life I envision or the one to come. I'm afraid because now my dreams are more tangible than they've ever been. I question my visions, my relationships, my choices over and over again even though it all feels so good inside and so right. It's like I'm the ball on a tennis court where my past self and future self hold the racquets. I'm back and forth. I'm struggling with the great possibilities that I've never experienced and the many failures that I have.
It can be a lonely place because friends & family may not get you our your vision. Your conversation or lack thereof is different. For me, I'm so preoccupied with my growth that I often times put friendships on the back-burner. It's indeed lonely. Yet, I have things that I'm trying to acquire. I have things that I'm trying to accomplish. I'm working very hard to defeat all that's come against me in my life. I'm working very hard to overcome that part of me that is prone to depression, sadness, procrastination, and avoidance. Gaining success, as you define it, is hard. Getting over yourself is part of that journey. You have to break through barriers.
I'm learning as I go.
I looked myself in the mirror today because I feel a fierceness growing inside of me that I've lacked before in previous attempts of making my dreams come true. I saw the pain of my past and at the same time I could see the possibilities and strength I possessed for my future.
I could see the eye of the tiger, the determination, the desire, and ambition to get what I want. I have that inside of me. I have what it takes but I would be a lie if I said I'm not afraid. I've never been on that side of fearlessness and confidence. I've never used this part of me as I should. I've been clueless to this part of me but now I feel and see her more often.
Writing and encouraging you all helps me see myself and the gifts I possess. I believe in myself and my gifts more. I'm on my way to becoming along with you all who read my blogs. The things I read and listen to, the things I'm inspired by I share with you. The things that motivate me to keep pushing despite trials and tribulations I share with you. Becoming a Butterfly is my testament to how I got over.
Others who tell their stories of success forget to give the grueling details. I know it's not a piece of cake but how hard is it? I know it doesn't always happen over night, tell me did you cry? Did you almost die? Did you lose your mind? Did you lose friends, were you lonely? Success stories paint colorful pictures leaving out the details leaving those of us eager to enter the realm of success ignorant of the hard truth. The truth that those beautiful colors didn't come without hardwork. It came with failures, many gray areas, and hard choices. Success takes time to build. The construction of it is really a reconstruction of you.

Everyday I have to remind myself that I can get to the place I dream of and I have to remind myself that it's possible. I have to build my faith everyday.
I'm starting with what many consider nothing. But I've learned that what I have is enough. I have to use it to my advantage. I have to make my nothing become something. Just as the God of creation brought life out of a dark and void earth.
I have to remind myself daily and listen to others who've made it.
I can't afford to go to conferences and seminars, I can't purchase books, buy needed materials, or make a huge investment; but I can research, educate myself, and ask for help among other things. It's hard but I believe what I obsess about plagues me for a reason. It's mine. I press on because it's divinely implanted in me. It's taken root and sprouted. It's my purpose, my path, and my position. I'm not going to quit. I have to rise up to the occasion. I have to conquer my fears and break the barriers.
Thanks for reading my fellow Becomer.
I'm pressing on!