Walking the Walk

In each stage of life I've experienced I've aimed at becoming who God has called me to be. I've reached high, decided to follow my dreams, and become someone whose name is worth remembering. What I hadn't realized throughout all of the attempting to become is how I didn't want to go the extra mile. I didn't want to feel the pain at the deepest level. I was working continuously at a surface level. Admitting my pain, doing work that was easy for me to grasp, and never holding the hand of sorrow with confidence that one day I'd let it go. I ran from pain because I couldn't see my way through it. It takes a bold, strong, compassionate, person that mirrors what you desire to be to pull you out of your mess, put you in front of a mirror and show you the mess that's stained the very threading of your clothes. That person calls up the Queen in you that lost herself under all the rubble and requires that she clean herself and take position on her throne.
The queen, in the midst of cleaning herself and taking the advice, is  experiencing the freedom as she's cleansing each part of herself. The dirt and grime, she peels it off layer by layer, and hates it. But the work.... The work must be done.

I didn't realize the excuses I made. I didn't pay attention to the cushion I was creating for others in my life, making my reality a miserable one. I couldn't see clearly that I was loving, caring, and helping others, without ever giving that to myself. I needed that experience of love for myself and I neglected myself.
Wow! What an admission right?
To finally see that the weeds that had been blocking your path for years, through failed attempts, through ugly mistakes, were weeds grown from your emotional garden. They weren't weeds planted by anyone else. I'd never tended my garden with intent, I hadn't raked the fall leaves from it, never protected the flowers from frost, and only pulled up what was easy to reach, and I expected it to grow up into something magnificent. My weeds were so high I couldn't see through to the other side. I couldn't see. That reality saddens me. I have written many an  inspirational moment, spoke to a few different crowds, and even encouraged myself about going the extra mile. I talked the talk. I walked only on the surface though..... I hadn't fully engaged myself with myself in a way that pulls up the weeds so that they never find themselves there again. I hadn't tended my garden well and as a result the beauty was covered, the ability to grow was stifled, and the joy of living was smothered.

Since seeing this and meeting the Queen who was bold enough to talk to me like my garden was already pruned, I'm ready to sweat and get these weeds out. I'm ready to clear the path for more growth, and more healthy seeds, rose bushes, and lilies. I'm ready to sit upon my throne with my regal crown, glittering in excellence!

My stomach turns even now to think of the choices I have to make, but I think of a quote from the movie Creed, in so many words, Rocky Balboa says to Adonis Creed, "the person in the mirror is your only opponent, the guy across from you, he's just in way.... get him out of the way.....". I'm my only opponent, anything that comes along my path is just something there to bring out something in me. I choose if I'm winning or losing but I'm not to get hung up on the thing, the journey isn't about the thing, it's about me.

Becomer's, I've said many of times this road won't be easy....it's the truth if nothing else is, but as my favorite Les Brown says, "It's necessary", and it's worth the freedom.

Keep pushing until the end. No one holds us back but ourselves. Let's walk the walk!