I usually am cognizant of the spiritual concept that whatever you speak you may be tested in. I don't know where exactly I learned that but as I go through life I can remember giving advice and then shortly after having to use the advice I'd given.
Over the last year or two I've been pushed to my limits, I've questioned everything about myself until it hurts, and I've found myself here writing to you yet again about how to overcome.
Sickness, financial difficulty, relationship issues, sick parents and siblings, my faith and perhaps yours has been tested over and over again. If you reading this and you're anything like me, it hasn't let up much to give you breath.
Today I write because I see myself in the midst of the storm. Right under the clouds, under the pouring rain, thunder pounding like the sound of a racing heartbeat, I'm in the middle of the action. It's pretty loud, and I'm seeking shelter. It's to loud. It's as if I have an awful migraine and the light and sounds around me are turned on extra bright and the volume is extra loud. I can't stand it. So I'm moving away. I'm backing off. I'm moving away from it all to a place that is safe for me. A place where I can hear myself and God only. A place where I can retreat away from the world, hear nothingness and love it. A place where I can get away from the world and all if it's troubles because they indeed are to great for me to carry.
I've been debating world news, others people's problems, and discussing doc visits, and life's problems. I've kept the faith and prayed for others during that time. I think I have done to much at times, risking my own spiritual and mental health.
It's important butterflies to take time for yourself. We don't do it often enough, us caring, devoted, friendly, loving people. We pour out even when we are tired of it all because we desire to help others. We neglect our own needs in order to fulfill the mission of caring for others.
Doing this makes you sick. Makes you look at others with anger because you didn't tell them you were tired and needed a break from their life. I can't be that person all of the time. I can't be a superhero without refueling, without taking time off from saving the day. I will always be in the midst of the storm if I don't back away.
I think after taking this time of no phone calls, reading, and resting, I'll be rejuvenated and I'll be ready to face the world again. But first I need to empty all the garbage I've been filled with. I need to release burdens and give everything over to God. It's not mine to carry.
It's a hard thing in becoming to shut off the noise of life's storm's but it's a necessity if you are to survive.....live, until the storm is over. And it'll be over for you. The noise will disappear. The thunder will
