My journey since my last entry in November 2014 has been as such:
November 2014- Diagnosed with a "rare" chronic condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia
December 2014- Successfully completing my college courses toward my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology! YAYY!!!!
January 2015- Applying for at least 20 jobs until I had one call and ask me for an interview!
Another Yayy!!! :)
So chronologically speaking my life has been interesting, but on the side of BECOMING, it has been more than interesting, it has been incredible. I have been like the butterfly coming out of its cocoon. It's like the butterfly seeing the brightness of the sun, and the many colors of the flowers and leaves around him as he sheds the shell of the cocoon he's lived in for so long. It's a metamorphosis indeed and I feel strong like iron inside, but loving as little girl attending to her baby brothers "boo-boo" at the same time. I'm tender but strong. I understand more of me. I'm standing up within myself, filling my body with my gracious and wonderful spirit. Even while there's more to be filled, I"m living and it feels good! I could stand to have more filling but coming where I come from, I am happy that I'm filled almost to the brim.
In October I encountered a health scare that I briefly hit on in my Nov. 2014 post that forever changed me. I went into the doctor for what I thought was a wisdom teeth possibly pressing on or against a nerve causing unbearable pain. Such pain to where I could not eat solid foods. After enduring a wisdom tooth extraction, unbearable pain for 21 days, the inability to eat for 21 days, probably anywhere from 15 to 20 lbs lighter, and after several doctor visits, one of which was out of state, it was determined that my condition was beyond any type of toothache.
I have a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia. Google it to learn more about it, but in short a nerve that stems from behind the ears to the face is pinched or damaged and it causes severe pain in my face. Constant pain that Morphine, Tramadol, Lortab, or any other pain medication cannot fix.
Enduring this for 21 days taught me my own strength, it taught me who my supporters and friends were, and it taught me how to fight for what is mine.
After enduring these things I believe it birthed me into a higher sense of my self. The stronger, less insecure, faith filled, driven, and passionate side of me.
I broke free from many inhibitions while being locked inside myself, because I could not talk either. I could only text my friends and family and send my husband text messages. I had to increase in inner strength because no one on the outside understood my dilemma and no one could fix it. I was alone on the inside. No one could be there for me but me in that moment. It grew within me a stronger more confident woman. No one can take that from me.
It was a hard, scary 21 days.
I'm in a place today where I appreciate my life. I believe in who I am. Maybe because it seemed as if I could lose the possibility of showcasing my talents and abilities. It pushed me into nurturing my gifts and believing in them at a greater capacity than I had before.
I have always wanted to succeed. I was motivated by fear of losing it all. What if I could never talk again. How would I help kids in my community then? These are the questions I asked myself. Then I would say to myself, no matter what we (me and God) we will find a way!
I was determined not to give up.
All I know is that I had a moment where a switch turned on inside of me and I said no longer will I allow people to treat me any kind of way. No longer will I hide my gifts and hide behind the wall so that others don't have negative things to say. I determined in my heart that I would be strong in whatever position God saw fit to put me in. I also said to myself I would live up to the divinity within me.
With a made up mind. With intentions set forth, I believe it is my time to fly. My time to show the world what I'm made of. Time to spread my beautiful butterfly wings and show the world what I have become!
It's interesting because as I speak of BECOMING, I know that the buck doesn't stop here. I will have to continue to push and meet new challenges. However right now, I'm celebrating the progress. I've excelled in this area and interesting enough severe pain is what propelled me into my next phase of life.
I'm blessed more than I can imagine and I feel it all in my soul! I'm close to perfect ;)
Message of hope: To those of you who are on your way to becoming, please don't give up. Don't give in. The hardships will come. It is life. It is a part of the way we grow. If you can look at your circumstances as stepping stones, as blocks, or challenges, as anything but a dreadful obstacle, you will be able to move on to the next level. We move through storms, we don't stop in the midst of them and get stuck. If we did we'd always in the rain. That is not the life I believe God intended for us. So press forward! Your moment of BECOMING will arrive sooner than you think. God bless.
-Sharhonda
